As families gather around for Thanksgiving this year, one topic might be left off the table: money. Yet many financial experts suggest that this festive period is an ideal opportunity to bring up finances, especially with older family members.
A recent survey by Fidelity, conducted with 1,900 adults aged 18 and up, revealed that 56% of Americans never had money conversations with their parents. This gap often stems from the complicated relationship people have with money and what it means to them. Interestingly, nearly 89% of Americans don’t see themselves as wealthy. For most, wealth simply means not living paycheck to paycheck.
Furthermore, most Americans—80% to be exact—view themselves as self-made, with only 5% attributing their wealth to inheritance. This self-reliance, particularly among older generations, might explain why many don’t seek formal financial planning, notes David Peterson, head of advanced wealth solutions at Fidelity. The survey highlighted that a third of baby boomers don’t think they need a financial plan, more so than any other generation.
“They’ve developed a ‘do it yourself’ mindset, which might explain their discretion around finances,” Peterson explained.
However, experts warn that lacking a plan can leave individuals and their families exposed to risks. MaryAnne Gucciardi, a certified financial planner at Wealthmind Financial Planning in Cambridge, Massachusetts, emphasizes the importance of knowing your parents’ wishes and having them documented. This foresight eases transitions in cases of illness, dementia, or passing.
“The key is to address these issues early and proactively, so you understand their desires and can stand up for them,” Gucciardi advises.
The holiday season presents a great moment to start these chats about family finances. But such conversations aren’t limited to special occasions; any family gathering where siblings and children are present can be an ideal setting.
### How to Start the Family Money Discussion
Talking about money still remains one of those topics Americans shy away from, more so even than politics or sex, according to research. A survey by U.S. Bank found more people would choose to disclose their political affiliations over their financial status.
To ease into discussion with elderly parents, experts suggest starting small. “Don’t expect to solve everything over one holiday dinner,” Peterson remarked. Begin by sharing your own estate plans and asking for their input—this can reveal how far along they are with their own planning.
Bringing up cases of friends or relatives who either managed or neglected estate plans, and the impact that had, can also be an effective conversation starter. “Start small and gradually address bigger topics,” Peterson suggests.
Sometimes, discussions on how assets are passed might include details on asset titling or beneficiary designations. However, for assets not covered that way, a will becomes crucial. Without it, matters are left to the state’s probate process. “Do you want to make the decisions, or leave it up to the state?” Peterson questioned, emphasizing personal choice.
In addition to a will, having documents like a healthcare directive, power of attorney, and HIPAA authorization can be beneficial if a parent’s health declines, Gucciardi mentioned. If these documents aren’t current, now might be the time to update them.
Over the years, people might lose track of assets like savings bonds or life insurance policies. Organizing a central place to store this information, either digitally or physically, can be useful—although bank safe deposit boxes may not be ideal due to accessibility issues.
With so many resources now online, it’s crucial to secure details about financial, subscription, and social media accounts. Employing a password manager could help keep these assets secure.
In engaging these conversations, starting with one topic, like healthcare preferences, and gradually expanding might be best. Books can serve as excellent conversation starters, recommends Gucciardi, suggesting titles like “Who Gets Grandma’s Yellow Pie Plate?” and “Being Mortal.”
While talking, it’s important to listen more, asking open-ended questions that invite dialogue, Gucciardi emphasizes. This approach not only ensures understanding but also builds a supportive family environment ready to tackle financial planning together.
